A dear friend and I are both going through our own interesting, unique and difficult seasons. The things we are facing have produced nearly opposite effects in our day-to-day lives. For me, I have been surrounded by love and support and friends. For her, the phone has stopped ringing and she is facing her fight with the support of her husband and precious few others. Different situations, yes, but the very same level of exhaustion, frustration and pain.
I wrote to her early one morning last week with the words that were spilling over in my heart and then she said that I should move those words to my blog because surely we’re not the only two women in the world who are in combat right now. I agree. So, here’s the gist of it. I hope it applies to you, wherever you are.
This is a season in our lives – yours and mine – where we go to sleep on the battlefield and we wake up on the battlefield. But whatever is going on behind enemy lines, I’m convinced it is playing right into the big and brilliant plan of Jesus. Jesus, who knows us, is working His will into us in the depths…not just into the “things we talk about at parties” (oh, how I LOVE A Few Good Men), but into the absolute depths. He’s going to the places we would never go on our own because who in their right mind would? I’m slowly and finally believing that He is not picking fights with or for me, but He is using these battles for something eternal and far weightier than I ever knew I wanted.
Honestly, I’m still not sure I want it.
Sometimes I’d like to stay little and sort of Bo Lite. But that’s not one of the options. The options, as I see them are as follows:
1) Face the fight with Jesus and let it make me stronger and more in love with Him then I have ever been.
2) Lay down and be trampled by horses hooves and soldiers feet.
I keep looking for the “none of the above” option or the “wake up and realize you were just dreaming and go back to your old life” option, but those are not available and the reason they are not is because somewhere at sometime I said “yes” to whatever His heart held for me. I know that sometimes I’ve said it as a response to emotion or a well-worded plea by someone with a microphone. But occasionally – and I can remember many of these moments distinctly – I’ve said it when I was alone in the dark and just wanted to look like Him more than I wanted anything in my life. Sometimes, I’ve said it in the rush of gratitude that overwhelms me when I see my children and realize how much I have that I do not deserve. Bottom line, I said yes to Him and meant it and He knows it and now He’s saying yes to me.
And He’s saying yes to you.
In this yucky, noisy, messed up season of life – He is doing something really beautiful in us. I love you.
I hope that no matter the size or strategy of the battle you are facing today, you hear the resounding Yes of Jesus through all the other noise. He is for you. With you. Always.