So, still on the bridge. But I’m okay here. Tired, yes, but doing well. My friend, Chris, left a comment on my first post about the bridge (“Betwixt and Between” – I’m too lazy to link it) and it’s brilliant and exactly how I feel about my current location. If I felt like being bossy, I would suggest that you read it, but I’m loathe to be bossy.
You know, life is funny. It is filled with joy because of the blessings that it holds. And it’s also filled with pain and fear because there’s so much to lose. I think sometimes – maybe even more than sometimes – I’ve let fear of losing the blessings keep me from enjoying them fully. This needs to change. Regardless of what’s on the other side of any bridge, I want to enjoy loving more. I’m starting to understand, finally, that the white-knuckled grip I use to protect the things and people I love, actually squeezes some of the happy out of my life (and probably their lives as well, but they’re too nice to mention it). Trusting God with my husband’s health and future has been the biggest challenge of my 45 years, but through it I’m beginning to grasp this one, big truth treasure: my job and my privilege is to love what He’s given and His job and privilege is…everything else. When I try to shoulder the responsibility that only He is built to handle, my joy, freedom and relationships suffer.
Behold: love. I’m still learning, but I’m hoping to get really good at it one day.