I can’t begin to tell you how much work has been going on inside of me recently with regard to how I think & speak about people. Yeesh. A lot of work. The kind of work where the Holy Spirit has to bring in the scaffolding, pack a lunch and hire some help because “this a big project, boys!” This is actually an area where I felt pretty solid…but when His Word drills deeply into the hidden places, all kinds of wormy stuff can come out. I’ve noticed it in all my relationships, but especially in my marriage.
Steve and I have a pretty unshakable policy that we do not use words as weapons. We fight, but we do it in a very careful way and I’m glad for that. We take our time, we choose our words, we try to remember we’re on the same team and not trying to win anything except unity. Too many people let passion run the show and they say what they feel at the moment and then…well, you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So, I feel good about the words I speak to Steve and I think that even in disagreements, we try to honor one another. Turns out, however, that God is not content with just my words being righteous. He wants to fix my heart. Shoot.
Recently, something happened and I felt that Steve was unjustly frustrated at me which in turn, made me frustrated mad at him. As I was taking my frustration out on my innocent ironing board, the Holy Spirit said two distinct and brilliant words to me: Light bulbs. Now, that probably won’t mean anything to you, but it meant everything to me because the thing that no one but the Holy Spirit knows about me is that every time a light bulb goes out in this house, I experience a little secret shot of frustration at Steve. I understand how unreasonable it is to expect that my husband could prevent light bulbs from going out…and yet, there it is. I didn’t even realize it until that very moment. And all I could really do is stop and say, “Ew. Please fix that in me.” And He did…and is… and will keep fixing me til the cows come home because This is a Big Project, Boys!
I guess I’m really just discovering that God has more to teach me about my own silly self than I will ever realize this side of eternity. For the sake of my beloved, I want to keep learning.
Behold: Growth. It’s good for everyone around me.