Behold: January 15 (caution: honesty ahead)

Posted: January 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

Confession:  the toughest part about being a leader in the church is feeling that I have to be (or at least pretend to be) confident all the time.  To be trusted by people who feel their lives are falling apart, it’s helpful to not appear that your life is falling apart, you know?  So, this year has been interesting.  My life has not fallen apart, but on some level my confidence has.  In spite of doing some impressive-looking things, I have been fighting an internal war with the spirit of “who do you think you are?” the likes of which I have never experienced before.  I’ve questioned everything from my ability to my appearance and it’s been really exhausting.

Through all the turmoil inside, God has been faithful and confident when I am not.  He has been steadily deconstructing some mindsets in me that I didn’t even realize I had.  Mostly, He’s been working on the place where I automatically attach His love to my goodness.  He’s been untying that string.  Carefully.  Thoughtfully.  Wonderfully.  It’s been a walk of trust because if I can’t be good enough to earn His approval, then He’s holding all the cards, and there’s nothing left for me to control and that’s just scary for a person like me.

Here, then, is today’s behold – a scripture I am meditating on nearly non-stop and it is rearranging all the furniture in my soul.  It’s simplicity is steadily dismantling all my complicated objections for why it couldn’t be completely true:

“I am my Beloved’s and His desire is for me.”  -Song of Solomon 7:10

Behold:  The God of the universe desires me.  Likes me.  And He told me He likes you, too.

Absurd and delightful, isn’t it?

Amen.

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Comments
  1. Tracy says:

    uh, that’s my scripture, i won’t say you stole it from me since it really is HIS, but its written on the palms of my hands! Changing my life understanding the true reality of that! OH HOW HE LOVES ME!

  2. Jenn Hoff says:

    Oh my yes. He’s doing this with me too…and I get really dumbfounded when I catch him at it, silly me. I wonder if I’ll ever just “get it” that it’s not about what I do or say or anything…

  3. Sue Kay says:

    He has been working on me for a long time – but increased the fire under me in the last few years. I can’t say I am totally there yet, but He has convinced me that He crawled up on the cross for me because He loves me. It is through His love for me that He taught me that I am worthy because of what He did. Me – worthy? I never thought so, but because of what He tells me in His Word, I have to believe it. I stand on His Promises – that is a stand I chose to make and that means all of His Promises.

    The enemy would love to shake our confidence – and for you, dear one, he would love to dismantle the anointing upon you. Whether you feel confident or not – keep on walking in His Anointing – it is fragrant and special. He loves you and He loves me too. Isn’t that swell?

  4. Aïda says:

    Thank for sharing and being honest. Yes, Yes, Yes, HE does love you soooo much!

    My take on it is because YOU ARE THE BEST!

    You are the BEST you and that is definitely because HE made you just for HIM! Remember, HE knew before the foundations of the world, NOW that’s loving you!

    Gosh, I love ya!

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