Christmas Run Amok

Posted: November 11, 2008 in Uncategorized

As we begin the 2008 Holiday shopping season, I wanted to share with you some Christmas items I’ve come across recently that really, truly, should not have been created under ANY circumstances.

First up, partying starfish!  Really, unless you have a beach house where you spend the holidays, and unless that house is surrounded by promiscuous shellfish…these are inappropriate.

starfish

Next, have you ever had trouble hearing God’s voice?  The Talking Jesus Doll is here to help!  For $20 bucks you can totally have Jesus speak to you.

talking-jesus-doll-large

Bad idea.

This one disturbs me on many levels.  Primarily:  Can a Gingerbread Man and a porcupine have babies?  No they cannot.  Because a porcupine is an animal and a gingerbread is dessert.

gingerbread-porcupinesSo this idea here? Just really unlikely.

Um…for the following, I have no words.  (And what is with the disturbing trend of dressing animals in bikini tops?)

flamingos

But please notice the “best seller!” bubble there.

Wind-up Gum Drops?  Creepy!

gum-drops

However, wind-up Winter Hats?  Totally cute!

wind-up-hats My only concern is for all the wind-up heads that are probably freezing right now.

Here’s another talking doll for your enjoyment:

mary-dollExcept this one is Mary, so when you press the button, it’s just silent. Cuz she’s pondering things in her heart, that’s why! Pa-dum-pum! Thank you, I’ll be here all week. (Actually, she quotes verses from Luke.)

Finally…here’s something that amazes me, only because I can’t believe it’s taken over 2000 Christmases to come up with the concept:

mistletoadOh, you KNOW I will secretly order these guys.  I love them. Toadally.

With wishes for a holiday season filled with warmth, love and fully-clothed Christmas tree ornaments,

Bo

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Comments
  1. Katie says:

    Bo,

    I totally agree about all these promiscuous animals running around. Then again, I suppose the animal kingdom has no concept of modesty. Also, I want a mistletoad for myself!

  2. Joseph Garibay says:

    Thanks for the laugh.

  3. Anne says:

    I’ll take 10 of the pondering Mary!

  4. Bre says:

    I have never ceased to be amazed at what actually finds its way to the realm of “you need to buy this”. Oh my. How do you find all of these little pictures?? Think of all of the little orphan children that could be fed by all of the completely unnecessary purchases of those with money to squander.

  5. Tracy says:

    ok I just found a purple glitter 12 inch Mary mother of Jesus statue at the Borders in Palm Desert, CA. No Joke….I would have bought it but I could not allow others to see me purchasing it..so I took a picture instead….check it out on my facebook page, cut and paste the link below

  6. lisa says:

    So Bo,

    I showed my mom this blog and she would like to know where to find all of those permiscuous starfish ornaments?
    Yes, she would actually buy them. You should see our tree sometime.. 🙂 So far, most of the ornaments are fully dressed.

    See you in communications!

  7. Karen says:

    My amazing story.
    For over two years I have been accompanying my husband to the Rockler store where I stand patiently and stare into oblivion while he looks at router bits and things I cannot comprehend the purpose of. Then we go home.

    Today I noticed a “Moonstruck” cup by the register and a little memory data chip in my brain woke up. I asked the clerk, “is the Moonstruck store near here?”…she proceeded to tell me that it was just around the corner – three stores away in the little strip mall – and that there was something else called “Mole Hole” that I had to see….so I told my husband to take his time looking at wood and small metal things and I scurried out the door.

    Mole Hole was a store crammed full of every kind of Christmas ornament you can imagine. I looked, inhaled the scent of candles and potpourri…and didn’t buy a thing. I even looked at the earrings in the case.

    Then I entered Moonstruck and breathed in the aroma of chocolate and coffee and happiness. I looked, smelled, and LEFT!

    I didn’t buy a thing. I didn’t need any of it. My senses were delighted for a few seconds and a cold, dreary day was brightened a bit.

  8. bolovesjoe says:

    Lisa – glad to help: your mom can find as many bikini-clad ornaments as she could ever want at Oriental Trading Company. 🙂

    Karen – love that story! Aren’t we being good this year? Yes we are! Promise you’ll tell me if you break down and buy something and I promise I’ll tell you. Probably. 🙂

    Everyone else: the Pondering Mary Doll is in production and will be arriving in a mailbox near you in early December. 🙂 Katie gets the royalties since it was HER good idea.

  9. bolovesjoe says:

    Wow – three smiley faces in one comment. I need to drink less coffee.

  10. Jess Stern says:

    Ha ha! Funny stuff!

    Oh, and if you want to see many more photos from Will’s wedding, here’s a link to the website of the “secondary” photographer. He got some really great pics!

    http://www.soultography.com/p966206498

  11. Karen says:

    I’d rather not confess. OK, I will. So the story about not buying the great canvas/aluminum frame Dorothy’s basket thingy at the Container Store….well let’s just say that while I was waiting for my Amani Tote bag to arrive I tried to get by with a bright pink “freebie” shopping bag. After several more disasters with everything flying off the seat of my car and all over the place I broke down and spent the $34.99 for the Container Store model. I felt so bad. I still feel so bad. But I love love love my Dorothy basket. It’s so handy for all my stuff in the car and I haven’t lost any of the mail I pick up on my way in to work each morning, so I guess it’s a justified pleasure. Still anxiously chasing the UPS guy down the street in hopes that he has my Amani bag by the way. The mailman peels out in an attempt to avoid me…

    But other than that laspe I am being very good. Didn’t even stop at the outlets today when my husband suggested it, and I really do need some new shoes.

  12. Helen says:

    I’ve seen worse. Nativity dog or cat sets. Shuddder. Give me bikini clad flamingos over a barking Jesus any day…

  13. Corina Burgess says:

    UH…… I think we have the talking Jesus action figure. Long Story, still gives me the heeebie jeeebies! Love you!

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