Dear Bo, Who Should I Marry?

Posted: November 4, 2008 in Uncategorized

Happy Election Day!  I decided that this blog should be a safe haven in the storm today so I won’t say the “e” word again til tomorrow.

So, this weekend we left town again…this time for this concert in which my son-in-law played.  Yay, Elliot! And we also got to see this girl at this school and eat at this place.  I also bought these earrings for less than four bucks which makes me glad that I can have jewelry AND send orphans to college.

While on the long trip over the mountain, I was thinking about the questions I’m asked the most.  This is the answer to the number two (I’ll post on the number one soon) question which is usually asked casually while passing in the hall or over the bowl of Fritos at a birthday party:  “So, Bo, tell me who I should marry.”  I’ve had plenty of time to think of my answer and I’d love to hear your thoughts, too. So…read, think and then talk amongst yourselves us.

If I was single, I would look for a man who knows these five things:

  1. Jesus. Not just “about Him…but actually knows Him, which is impossible without spending time with Him.  I’m just saying.
  2. Himself.  I don’t think a guy has to be perfect to get married (whew!)  I do, however, think that he needs to know himself well.  He needs to be self-aware enough to know that he has strengths, weaknesses, quirks…and he needs to care about growing.  If I see that in a guy, I’m inclined to think he has a lot of potential.
  3. Me.  I don’t know about you, but I secretly know a lot of negative stuff about myself.  I could try to hide that stuff from my husband, but that sounds exhausting….like wearing a body slimmer every day and night for the rest of my life.  I really love being married to a man who has know the real me for 23 years, and loves me in spite of and because of all that he knows.  It’s really grand.
  4. How to work.  Maybe this is more subjective, but lazy men make me nauseous.
  5. The Word. Because it has the answers and marriage is rife with questions.  RIFE, I say.

So, I answered the question, now it’s YOUR turn.  And actually I have TWO questions for you on this gray and cozy fall day.  First is to married women:  are there any additions or adjustments you would make to this list?  Second is to my single friends:  what seems to be the hardest thing on the list to find in a marriable sort o’ guy?

Til tomorrow (when we’ll have a new president but the same God),


P.S.  Please somebody notice that I got the time fixed on this confounded blog!

  1. Karen says:

    I’m scared to post for fear the time warp will come back. My bedside clock is now on military time and it’s off 12 hours so I got up at 18:00 hours. sigh.

    I can’t really add much to your list; it’s really good. I think there are some specific things that matter to me…like a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at himself, which are two distinct traits. A positive outlook on life goes a long way toward making life more pleasant.

    I’ll pass your list on to my daughters. Thank you Bo!

  2. Karen says:

    WAIT! You ate at Cheesecake Factory? Forget about who to marry, what did you have? Bang Bang Chicken and Shrimp? Pumpkin Cheesecake? And how in the world did I miss the concert so close to my home? Oh and the earrings are great! OK no more coffee for me.

  3. Anne B says:

    I think it’s important to have things in common, like each other(not just love, but really LIKE each other) and enjoy doing things together. (Jon and I have a ton o’ fun together!)

    Also, stepping into ‘blended-familydom’, it’s important that if you have children from a previous marriage that there is a connection to your children or to his children. (This is a biggie because there are so many of us in blended family situations).

    (And only 5? Oh yeah, we ‘teach’ them the rest AFTER they marry us.) 😉

  4. Chelsea says:

    Thank you for your inspirational posts. I’m one of the “daughters” that Karen passed this along to and recently I’ve been asking the same question. Something I find that gives me peace of mind and makes me think I could marry the guy I’m dating is his commitment to making it work. No matter how “rife” things get, something about the fact that I know he is as committed as me makes it that much easier to get through. If he wavered, we may have called it quits by now, and I find security in knowing that that commitment will only increase with marriage.

  5. bolovesjoe says:

    Chelsea – your comment is a whole post in itself. I totally agree that the ability to actually work THROUGH things rather than stuffing or repressing or walking away is huge. In fact – that would probably be a very good addition to the non-negotiable list.

  6. Katie says:

    All of the above.

  7. ci says:

    Maybe this was already included, but I would add a ‘teachable spirit’, because no matter how awful an issue or character trait we may possess, if we are willingly teachable than we can change. And marriage only highlights the multitude of areas that need change. My sweet and crazy husband has also taught me that the ability to laugh at ourselves and the majority of life is a great plus also!

  8. I would also supplement the “How to Work” with A Plan And Motivation To Provide For Their Family (mostly because I see a lack of this in young adult men)
    As much as we all don’t like to admit it – Money Matters…
    which is probably why it is the #1 cause of strife in marriage..

    and when your savings account is full (ah I miss those days) life is easier, and happier.


  9. oh and SMOKIN’ HOT.. I mean…

  10. We must not forget these very, very important qualities:

    That he prays hard, very hard before asking you out, has the humility and respect for you to wait for God’s reply, and then has the courage to ask you out when God says yes!

    I’m one of those single gals, and I’ve had my ups and downs on this matter.

    One thing that I feel the Lord has imparted to me is that if he’s the right one for me, I will not have to compete with anything or anyone for his attention.

    It is my understanding, please correct me if I’m wrong, but when the right guy comes into your life, you won’t have to flaunt yourself infront of him, or compete with all the other girls to get his attention. If it is God’s will, the guy won’t be able to resist! He will see you as God sees you, and that’s the deal sealer right there!

    I think the more important question on my part is: “Who is my husband going to marry?”

    If you spend too much time trying to figure out who your husband is, you’ll end up neglecting him of who his wife is suppose to be.

    There is so much peace in knowing that the man who pursues me will be doing so by the command of the Lord, in whom I trust. With this peace comes the opportunity to make the most of the time I have to become the woman my husband deserves to marry.

    Much love to my single sisters out there! (Please don’t forget to invite me to your weddings!:)

  11. Jessica Carpenter says:

    Its sort of weird, it seems you left “Hot English Accent” off the list by some mistake? but, sigh, I dated an accent last night and was less than enamored. Maybe it’s not as important as I thought… hmm… something to ponder 😉

  12. bolovesjoe says:

    Jess: I also left off “brunette-ish” which was on my original 17-year-old “must have’s” list. Clearly, God knew that the color of his hair would not matter much to me when it…you know…left. 🙂 I’d definitely enjoy hearing more about the date with the accent, though.

  13. Tami says:

    Wow…impressive Ms. Sherman. Although I have no idea of your age, I wish that I was as intelligent as you are before choosing a spouse! I love my hubby of 16 years and all, but wow…you blew me away. I think our Father has a wonderful man picked for you out there!

    Funny to think back on what my 17 year old list was compared to the man I married. Big difference!

    Thanks for another thought provoking blog Bo!

    Love you

  14. Taylor says:

    I think for me…Jesse Hinrichs. Oh wait 🙂 I am marrying him! 🙂

  15. bolovesjoe says:

    Aw Taylor…isn’t it amazing when you find the perfect guy and he finds you right back? Love is pretty great stuff!

  16. ELizabeth McColl says:

    Hey Bo, can you find me one of these guys please? I can’t seem to find the one anywhere…perhaps he is in Bend, perhaps not.

  17. ELizabeth McColl says:

    ..oh, and by the way, I have stopped calling myself “single.” I am unmarried, which implies the desire in me to be married, and the hope that one day, I will be. Single is not OK (for me). Why then don’t we have married couples as “doubles”? Perhaps it is the whole family and home thing that is going on within me right now, but ”single” evokes lonely and alone and I am not either of those things. Sometimes to be alone while being joined to another is fine but in terms of married and unmarried, not.

    This is one of my routes right now in this life adventure in Christ.

  18. Taylor says:

    yep super great!!! thanks for all your love and support Bo!! love you!

  19. keri says:

    1-5. AMEN!

    6. How to Laugh with those who laugh, and weep with those who weep. – It seems pointless to do life TOGETHER if you have to bear your joys and pains within yourself.
    7. Listen – Good communication makes all the bumps of life more resolvable, and for me, someone listening makes me feel loved.
    8. Share – prayers, thoughts, ideas, passions, dreams, hopes, fears, toys, a jacket on a cold night…anything really.

    I don’t know much about marriage, but there’s one more thing I think is very important –
    9. A SWEET Name –
    I think Nick Fox is about as sweet as they come… hahaha.
    love ya Bo

  20. bolovesjoe says:

    Keri – excellent additions and just about the cutest comment ever. Nick should definitely make a return visit to your homeland – a pilgrimage as it were – and meet us!

  21. Ashley says:

    There was something you told me right before I walked into the dating/married season with Caleb, and it was something about if I like the way he dresses…. I don’t know if that can make it to this list or not, but I remember thinking about it so much after- realizing that I am going to be around his clothes and style for the rest of my life… so I should definitely like them! Good for me that I love the way Caleb dresses!

    And yes and amen to all the other comments as well. 🙂

  22. cassie says:

    i LOVE what Ashley said…. which i guess you said first!!!!

    i’m not going to add or subtract anything. i could add, but i won’t…

    finding guys with these attributes is not necessarily the challenge… the challenge is them finding you back… or maybe it’s just the ever present “God’s timing” issue/challenge.

    or maybe….

    let’s just say i could go on and on…and on with relationship thoughts and ideas and hopes and dreams… but i won’t, at least not here on the blog wall!!!

  23. […] those guys either.  The next one is from the male community readers reader regarding the post on “Who Should I Marry?” It seems there is brewing frustration because there is no list for qualities that are essential in […]

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